


SKAM Palmetto

by undeadsupernova



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic, Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (France), SKAM (Norway), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exy (All For The Game), M/M, SKAM Season 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21988030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeadsupernova/pseuds/undeadsupernova
Summary: Minute by minute, in another universe, Andrew and Neil met in passing instead of Andrew hitting Neil with his racquet. This is their story.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 23
Kudos: 76





	1. Episode 1

**Episode 1**

**Saturday. 10:15 pm.**

Maybe going to a frat party wasn’t such a good idea anymore. Neil was sat in a bathtub surrounded by Matt Boyd, Kevin Day, and Seth Gordon. Somehow he’d let Matt talk him into going to Allison Reynold’s sorority house so they could “have fun” when everyone knew he was just trying to hook up with Dan Wilds. Neil wasn’t so sure he knew why he came. It wasn’t like he enjoyed being surrounded by drunk people, more specifically his friends when they were trashed. It usually resulted in vomiting and a lot of confusion on how any of them would get back to their beds.

Matt, Seth, and Kevin were talking about girls. Again. Just as they always did. It was like they never talked about anything else other than tits and ass and whatever else they could come up with. Neil thought girls were pretty. _I guess._ But he found himself more concerned with exy and trying not to think of his mother’s dead body. Though he was dating someone, he was rather happy staying alone. Alone was comforting. Alone didn’t smell like flesh being scorched on the shore. Alone was _home_.

Without thinking, Neil said, “The only one in here with low standards is Gordon.”

Seth snorted, shoving Neil before taking the water bottle bong they’d poorly created. Everyone knew Kevin had the money to buy a real one but he refused to house anything that could take his career away from him. “You oughta be a lot less picky, considering how ugly you are.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Nobody cares what you think, Seth.”

“Aren’t there _any_ hot girls?” Matt asked. Neil shook his head. “Not even a single one?”

Kevin reached over to steal the bottle from Seth. “There’s got to be at least one,” he mumbled, scratching at the tattoo on his cheek. Maybe it hadn’t been the best to let Kevin down a bottle of Jack Daniels before walking into a tattoo shop and getting a queen chess piece on his cheek. _Maybe_. Neil gave himself looking forward to: seeing Kevin have a meltdown in the corner of the locker room the next practice.

Matt patted Neil’s shoulder. “My man only has eyes for Robin.” Oh yeah. _Her_. His girlfriend of almost a full month. Right.

“Yup,” Neil said, trying to sound casual. Was that convincing enough to make them see it as the truth?

“The one that hovers around Allison?” Kevin asked through a coughing fit of smoke. Neil noticed Seth’s face lighten up at the sound of her name. It was terribly pathetic how much Seth wanted to date Allison. Seth himself should have known that he wasn’t good enough for her but he kept his hopes up.

“Yeah. That’s my girl,” Neil confirmed. “I’m surprised you don’t know her. She’s at the exy court all the time.”

“Oh, Robin _Cross_?” Matt and Neil nodded. Kevin cackled. “I don’t think you stand a chance, man. The last guy she was with was Jeremy Knox.” Neil could see the awe in Kevin’s face when he thought of the well-known exy legend.

“And why should I care?” Neil wondered aloud.

“Because then you’ll know her standards.” Kevin said.

Neil felt his phone buzz and looked down. “Hm,” he mumbled as he saw Robin’s name. Speak of the devil.

_Neil, this is Allison. Robin started puking so I’m taking her home. She’ll text you in the morning. Also tell Seth I said to fuck off. xx_

Even though Allison annoyed Neil greatly, he respected her for being loud and proud about who she was. Neil decided to keep her comment to himself in order to see what would happen between the two. Hopefully it would be more interesting than whatever his life had turned into.

—

**Sunday. 11:27 am.**

Neil woke up the next morning, groggy and struggling to keep himself from taking a hammer to his temples. A raging headache made Neil leant over to grab his jeans so he could fish out the Advil that was always left in the coin pocket just in case he ever needed it.

After he downed the medicine, he looked down at his phone. Of course he hadn’t texted Robin back.

_Sorry for not being able to go home with you. Want to hang today? We could play exy or something so that Kevin doesn’t think you’re lazy. I know how much he pushes you._

He chose not to respond until he was ready.

“Neil! He’s awake, and with morning wood on full display!” Nicky exclaimed as he walked into Neil’s bedroom. Neil resisted the urge to groan, knowing full well he told Nicky to knock next time. Behind him was Dan, Matt’s greatest desire and Neil’s other roommate. This had been a recent development since he couldn’t pay for a dorm room and he rejected Wymack’s offer to help. One thing led to another and Nicky gave Neil the room that usually belonged to Erik Klose, Nicky’s boyfriend, when he came to visit.

“Hi, good morning!” Dan said almost too cheerily, especially for a Sunday. Neil already knew that Dan wanted him to do something for her—he just didn’t know what it was yet.

“Fuck off, Nicky,” Neil groaned, turning over to hide his face into his pillow. He lifted his head only to say, “Dan can stay.”

Dan said, “Yes!”

At the same time Nicky exclaimed, “What?!” Neil heard Nicky huff through his nose before adding, “Then I guess you don’t get any of the Waffle House we brought home for you…”

Neil lifted his head. “Waffle House?”

“Neil, you are the hungriest person I’ve ever met. Does your stomach ever end?” Nicky asked as he plopped himself onto Neil’s bed uninvited. Dan took that liberty to sit on the edge of the bed. _At least_ she _knows my boundaries._

Neil sighed. “It depends on what I’m being fed.” 

“Come on, Josten,” Dan said with a pat to his leg. “We’ve got shit to do today.”

“Like?”

“Like getting you some proper clothes again. Wymack has a stick up his ass about it,” Dan replied, giving Neil an apologetic smile.

Neil sighed, this time out of fatigue. Sometimes he wondered when he was going to be left alone. Sometimes he felt bad since he knew his friends loved him. Sometimes he just wanted something that didn’t make him even more tired.

—

**Monday. 1:21pm.**

In between classes, Matt, Kevin, Seth, and Neil were sat in the athlete’s cafeteria. The exy team rarely left campus during the week days, always at practice or eating. Oh, and classes. Neil dreaded that last part, solely because it was hard to focus when he was trying to make sure he did better the next game. (It didn’t help that Kevin kept him up with late night practices.)

They all sat eating, two-fourths of them eating burgers while the other two had salads. Kevin had yelled at Neil in the line for getting a hamburger but Neil couldn’t care less about whatever the fuck problem Kevin had with a goddamn _hamburger_.

“I hooked up with a girl who I legitimately thought had a cat tongue,” Seth said, shaking his head. “I’m not sure if it was a real tongue or a fake tongue.”

“Fake tongue?” Kevin asked, looking up at Seth through hooded eyes, as if to tell him that he was an idiot through eye contact.

“It was like making out with a cat!”

Seth clearly didn’t get the message.

Matt sighed. “Have you kissed a cat, Seth? It’s okay, you can tell us. This is a safe space.”

Neil tuned them out as he looked over at who was walking out of the food line. He was as short as Neil was but he was ten times more noticeable. His hair was blonde (practically platinum), and it was fighting to fall over his eyes. He had good bone structure with small gauges in his ears and a septum piercing. His fashion was completely black with arm bands covering up his forearms. In short, he was different.

Or maybe, just maybe, he was _captivating_.

The boy sat down alone, and Neil watched as he began eating a slice of chocolate cake. Neil tried to picture his name but couldn’t think of one that suited him, so Neil deemed him Gauges. Right when Neil felt something gleam inside him, Gauges looked up. His eyes met Neil’s and Neil immediately looked back down at his hamburger. _Shit_.

He tuned back into the conversation right as Seth asked Kevin, “You go down on girls?”

Kevin looked at Seth in disbelief. “Of course I do. Don’t you?”

“Uh, no.”

“And why not?”

“Well I feel like I get a little too distracted.”

Matt held his hand up to stop them. His eyes narrowed. “Seth, if you’re not actively trying to make sure a woman feels good, you’re doing it wrong.”

Kevin gave a tight-lipped smile. “And _that_ is why Allison Reynolds will never let you go anywhere near her.”

Neil laughed at that. _He’s right and he should say it._

“Hello!”

All four of them looked up to see Renee Walker smiling back at them. Seth went red in the cheeks while Matt grinned. _Matt’s too nice to everyone._

Neil never knew what to make of Renee. Sure they were on the same exy team and she wasn’t a goalie you wanted to mess with...but she was unusually nice. Not Matt nice. With that cross necklace around her neck, it made him question what her past must’ve entailed in order for David Wymack to recruit her for the Palmetto State Foxes.

“Would you guys maybe want to join the exy club this year?”

Kevin groaned. “That bullshit? Come on, Walker, you know better than to ask any of us. Since we’re, you know, _on the team_.”

Neil didn’t think it was a bad idea. He’d been at Palmetto State for a good while now, maybe two years. He’d lost count after the days started blurring together and his life changed for the better. Exy really did save his life. An unnatural feeling of obligation made Neil feel more inclined to go.

“What do you even do in there?” Seth asked, his tone turning sour. Neil couldn’t understand what Seth had against Renee since they hardly interacted. Renee was always so nice to him even when Seth would yell at her to protect the goal better.

Renee smiled despite the unwelcoming atmosphere. “We have discussions about different teams and iconic games. There’s also food.” No one responded so she continued. “It’s on Friday so everyone has time to think about it. So just let me know.”

“Yeah, will do,” Matt replied with a grin.

Renee gave him a warm smile and waved at them before walking off.

—

**Friday. 7:15pm.**

Neil sat in the room holding the meeting for the exy club that Friday night. Whether it was to avoid going on a date with Robin or to enjoy talking exy with likeminded people, he was unsure. Around ten people had already filed in and more were on their way even though it was supposed to start fifteen minutes prior. Neil didn’t mind—as long as he had an excuse not to text Robin back.

It wasn’t that he hated Robin. She was really nice, always passionate about exy and supporting Neil no matter what he did. But she didn’t do much for Neil physically or emotionally. He knew he had to break up with her and establish a close-knit friendship, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. Maybe he never would.

As the meeting began, Neil found that it was not exactly what he’d hoped. Renee couldn’t keep arguments from breaking out and one guy almost got into a fistfight with a girl because she proclaimed her adoration for the Edgar Allen Ravens. (Neil didn’t blame him.)

He got up while someone was speaking and decided to leave. It was useless to stay when nothing seemed to keep his attention. As he was about to shut the door behind him, Gauges was in front of him.

_Oh._

They just stared at each other for a long moment before Gauges said, “Are you going to move, or?”

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” Neil finally said.

Gauges’ eyebrow perked up. “Oh?”

Neil felt the edge of his mouth curl. “They’re doing some weird ritual to Riko Moriyama in there,” he joked.

Gauges looked disappointed, full on stomping his foot like a child. “I was coming to throw a fit but now I just feel bad for them.”

Neil wanted to laugh at that but instead pulled out a pre-roll. “Smoke?”

Gauges looked Neil up and down before shrugging. “Yeah.” 

“Come,” Neil said, walking past Gauges so they could walk outside. Neil found a bench for them to sit on and began to smoke. They passed the joint in silence, just staring out at the road. “I’m Neil, by the way,” he said after a while.

“Andrew.”

_Andrew_ , Neil thought, wrapping his thoughts around the name like the stem of a cherry. It was hard to imagine at first but once he repeated it a few times it stuck.

“I’ve seen you on the exy court,” Andrew said passively, as if he didn’t care. Neil didn’t really think Andrew cared at all, actually.

“I’m on the team.” Neil felt awkward leaving it there so he added, “It’s weird, I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

“Well there’s two of me so you’re probably just unobservant.”

Neil was far from unobservant.

He could feel his father’s grin beginning to take shape on his face but found a way to reel it in. “Are you new? You’re awfully judgmental for someone who seems to know fuck all about people.”

“No, but I did kill someone so my twin and I are laying low,” Andrew replied as he blew out smoke.

Neil knew it might’ve been a joke, but he couldn’t help the grinding of his teeth. He knew too well what it was like to “lay low.” Box hair dye, contacts, counterfeit passports. He did it all. “You’re not doing a good job.”

Andrew’s face grew animated. “Oh god, oh no! What ever will I do without Neil’s approval of my life choices!” He threw his hand over his forehead. “What great sorrow!”

“You’re weird,” Neil commented without thinking.

“Everything is weird for you,” Andrew quipped back. Neil couldn’t help but laugh at the menacing boy. Andrew scanned Neil over like he was trying to figure out Neil’s intentions. “You have an eyelash there.”

Neil refused to touch his face and instead took a long drag. “Can I make a wish for something now?” He passed it to Andrew.

“Do I look like the harbor of superstitions to you?”

“I thought it was a thing to make a wish,” Neil mumbled. Since being integrated into regular life, Neil had come to learn even the most mundane things such as why heads up pennies are lucky and why black cats are an abomination.

“It was just an eyelash, Neil,” Andrew said curtly before pausing. With a less threatening voice, he asked, “What would you have wished for, though? Humor me."

“I don’t know, maybe to make Court or something.”

Andrew let out a dark chuckle. “Oh so you’re as anal about exy as Kevin Day is.”

Neil shrugged. “I guess so.”

“Damn junkie,” Andrew muttered.

“Hello!”

The both of them looked up to see Robin Cross approaching. She was wearing a Palmetto State sweatshirt with Neil’s number printed on the back. Why now, Neil wondered. Why do you have to do this to me now?

Andrew saluted her and stood up. “Robin Cross?” he asked.

Robin smiled brightly back at him. “Yeah! Aaron?”

“Andrew,” he corrected, giving her a grin that didn’t seem too friendly.

“Oh! I’m so sorry. I thought you were Aaron—he’s always practicing at the exy court when I am.”

Andrew shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint.” He pivoted towards Neil. “Nice to meet you, Junkie Neil. See you around.”

And then he just left. Neil didn’t even have a chance to respond, but he knew that it wouldn’t have done anything to keep Andrew from walking away.

Maybe Neil was too idealistic about this, but he felt as though Andrew would be important. Especially more important that Robin was.

Was this going to be a problem? Most definitely.

“Is that a new friend of yours?” Robin asked, taking the joint from Neil. She knew enough about his boundaries to refrain from touching him. She knew it didn’t do shit for Neil’s mental health.

“No.”

“He seems nice. His brother’s a real piece of work, let me tell ya.”

Neil couldn’t pay attention to Robin. His thoughts were pulsating with the idea of being friends with anyone new, especially Andrew. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.


	2. Episode 2

**Episode 2**

**Sunday. 11:11am.**

_7,468 results for_ **_Andrew_ **

Neil sighed, closing out of Instagram. It was pointless to even begin to think he could find this Andrew just by searching his first name.

“Look at my boyfriend! Isn’t he handsome?” Nicky practically shouted, leaning over to rest his head on Neil’s shoulder. _Personal space, Nicky. Stop_. Neil stayed silent, knowing that once Nicky was done being dramatic that he would leave Neil alone.

Neil looked down at the blonde boy, wrapped up in his winter coat and sticking his tongue out. “Uh, I guess? Sure?”

Nicky sighed. “Neil, you can say a guy is handsome without being gay, you know?”

Neil huffed through his nose. “I said he was handsome, okay? Fuck off.” It was embarrassing to admit that Neil didn’t understand attraction most days. Fascination? Sure. He had tons of that with this Andrew and maybe even Kevin when he wasn’t being a dick. Other than that, he never saw people as anything other than just people. Maybe it was a product of being on the run his entire life and dodging any attempt at human relationships.

“I’m gonna marry him, you know.” Neil looked over, suddenly overwhelmed by how Nicky looked. A far away look in his eyes and a small smile that seemed to only be reserved for special moments. Neil never thought about having something like that, but he was glad that Nicky could have that chance.

Neil cleared his throat. “And you needed me to tell you he’s handsome before you do?”

“Yep.” Before Neil could respond, Nicky’s phone vibrated. “Hi, baby!…Yeah, I’m just sitting with Neil—he looks fantastic now. I got him this really nice shirt—" Nicky got up and walked into his room. _Well, so much for_ that _conversation._

Neil decided to go back to his scrolling but stopped when he heard the front door open. Dan came in with her workout clothes on and several bags holding plastic containers. “Morning, Neil! Look what I got!” She put the bags neatly on Neil’s lap. “Curtesy of David Wymack.” She winked at Neil before sitting down next to him and grabbing the remote. She put on exy reruns so Neil wouldn’t get pissy. “So Matt Boyd asked me out.”

“Really?” Neil asked, actually curious. Matt had texted him telling him that he would but Neil didn’t actually think Matt would go through with it.

Dan nodded as she began picking at Abby and Wymack’s biscuits. “Yeah, it’s weird. He asked me out tonight. I have class at eleven tomorrow!”

“Maybe he just really likes you,” Neil mumbled, taking the sesame chicken from another bag. Wymack and Abby must’ve cooked up a storm the previous night due to stress over the team. Neil was just glad it resulted in food he didn’t have to purchase.

“Do you know something I don’t?”

Neil shrugged. “I know a lot of things, Dan.”

Dan sighed and grabbed the remote. “Yeah, yeah, okay. Let’s just watch The Office or something.”

Neil had never understood that show.What was so exciting about watching people work at a paper company and piss each other off? It was enough being surrounded by his teammates that really had no fucking clue what manners were. Well, Neil didn’t either, but that wasn’t the point. ~~_Shouldn’t it be?_ ~~ He decided to continue looking for a certain boy.

—

**Monday. 8:10am.**

Neil sat in the university center before his 9:30 class, wondering when he would find this boy. Then he had a thought. An idea that should’ve been his first.

_Do you remember that guy I was talking to? What’s his name again?_

Robin replied moments later. _Oh, Andrew Minyard? He has a twin, Aaron. Why?_

_Just curious. Thanks._

Neil decided to search Google first. The first result that came up seemed promising so he clicked on it.

**_Meet Andrew Minyard, an amateur artist, as he talks about his latest project._ **

He clicked on the play button. The video started playing, first trained on Andrew. The camera was being held by someone else, and Neil couldn’t help but wonder who it was.

“So, Andrew, what’s this project?” the other person asked. His voice sounded a lot like Andrew’s but still different.

Andrew looked at the camera before diverting his gaze. Something about that made Neil believe that Andrew would rather stay hidden than in the spotlight, despite how he dressed. “It’s called ‘Polaris.’ It’s a story about a guy, some weird looking creature, and a tunnel.”

“Is it a guy and a girl?”

Andrew’s smile grew sinister. “No, he’s just a guy and the other one literally doesn’t matter. It’s stupid of you to even ask about gender, Aaron. It’s 2019.” Oh so it was his twin. _Right._ Of course it was.

“Just keep going, asshat,” Aaron muttered.

“There’s a creature that never comes out of the tunnel because they’re scared of the light. So they’re going to meet the main guy who’s scared of the dark.”

“Okay, so how do they meet?”

“They can’t. They’re scared of each other’s world. They end up talking at the border of their worlds, without ever seeing each other. They talk every day and get to know each other. They realize at the end that they’ve fallen in love even though they’ve never seen each other.”

“So they’ll just never see each other, huh?”

“Not unless one of them gets over their fear and goes into the other’s world.”

“ _Josten!_ ”

Neil quickly put down his phone to see Allison walking up. She was a bombshell, even in the early hours of the morning. Makeup and hair done to perfection and a long gray peacoat to match her all black outfit. It reminded him of Andrew. But just… _longer_. How was she always so put together? It baffled Neil since he always just threw on a sweatshirt over some jeans and tennis shoes. He never remembered to even put a comb through his hair.

“Hey,” he said back, at a much lower volume. After all, it was early Monday morning and Neil hadn’t slept much. There were too many Andrews he hadn’t looked at and not enough hours before and after Kevin’s practices to do it. If only he had seen how easy it would be to just send a text to his girlfriend.

“For some reason Renee asked for you and your dumbass friends to come to our party on Friday.”

“Allison, we’re all on the same team,” Neil reminded her. Though that fact was true, it was a sure divider between the team. Maybe that was why they hadn’t won the past few games. It didn’t upset Neil at all…

“Whatever. Not the point. Just be there. And bring your own beer if you want to drink anything.” She blew Neil a kiss before standing up and walking away.

Neil texted his boys about the party and even told Robin. He was being generous today, deciding that he should hang out with Robin at least to keep her happy. He adored Robin, really. They had inside jokes, they could sit and watch TV all weekend, and they could talk about exy for hours. He loved her. Surely that was what a relationship was. _Right?_

 _He just wasn’t sure if he was_ in _love with her._

—

**Friday. 3:30pm.**

Neil was running. His legs were pulsating with the idea of escaping his past, even for alittle bit. Images of the Butcher pointing a gun at him and his mother clouded his vision as his feet bounced along the pavement. He didn’t think of anything other than the distance he was creating between himself and his past.

“Well don’t you look like you’re running from the law.”

Neil came to a stop and looked over to see a black car pulling up next to him. In it was Andrew Minyard with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and his sunglasses covering his eyes.

Neil huffed out a breathless laugh. “Yeah? You would know since you killed someone.” His hand came up to wipe the sweat off of his forehead.

Andrew let out what seemed to be a chuckle. “I guess we’re both in the same sinking boat. It’s a shame Noah couldn’t save two of _us_.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

“What a nice chat, Josten. Your conversational skills are impeccable.”

Neil’s eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t hear anything coming out of _your_ mouth either,” he quipped back.  
“You look pathetic standing there. Get in the car, you can thank me later.”

Neil didn’t know why, but he decided to climb in. There was a certain level of trust that came with a huge small amount of infatuation. After all, he _did_ spend hours trying to find the right Andrew on social media, without even knowing his last name.

“So what are you doing? Going home?” Neil asked.

Andrew scoffed, pushing his sunglasses up to his hair. “Straight to the personal questions, huh? Okay.”

“I didn’t mean—“

“I’m kidding, Junkie. Ease up, apologies look rough on you.” Andrew had a dark grin on his face that didn’t match his eyes. It was as if he wasn’t allowing himself the ability to share a true smile. Or maybe he just didn’t know how. “I got bored so I went for a drive. Saw you running and thought I’d relieve you from hell.”

“You’re so kind,” Neil said sarcastically, fastening his seatbelt.

Andrew held up his hand with a look of unease. “Easy, let’s not go _that_ far. Just give me your address and I’ll take you home.”

Neil put his address into Andrew’s Maps app and they drove to his apartment in silence. He tried to resist the itching in his throat. Whether it was from thirst or unspoken words, Neil couldn’t decipher. All he knew was that the more time he spent with Andrew, the more he felt himself grow attached. He barely even knew the boy.

Once Andrew pulled into a parking spot in front of Neil’s apartment, he bid him a good night.

“You can come up if you want,” Neil found himself saying.

“You got food?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure, I’ll come up.”

Andrew walked behind Neil up to his door. Neil was surprised that neither Nicky nor Dan was home, and he almost sighed in relief. _What is up with me today? He’s just a prick who thinks you’re an idiot. Which you are._ His mom would be so disappointed.

Before he took off his jacket, Andrew already turned some music on and let the volume gradually rise. It was somewhat familiar to Neil, but he wasn’t sure. The bass line was catchy, met a few seconds later with the thrum of an electric guitar. It felt like his heart was beating out of sync.

“Do you know Queen?”

Neil looked over to see Andrew rummaging through Neil’s cabinets as if he was the one who lived there instead. He noticed the blonde boy’s leg shaking in impatience. Neil had no idea how to fix whatever _that_ meant.

“Uh, yeah. Kinda.” Neil didn’t have much time for music on the road, especially when him and his mother were on high alert most of the time.

“As in not really.” Andrew sighed. Neil couldn’t tell if it was from the lack of food he desired or disappointment in Neil’s lack of taste. “Freddie was a goddamn genius. ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, ‘Radio Ga Ga’, ‘Under Pressure’, ‘Death On Two Legs.’ He got so sick that he almost couldn’t record ‘The Show Must Go On’ and was told he might not be strong enough to sing it. He said, ‘I’ll fucking do it, darling’ and then downed some vodka before going into the studio and killing it.” And just as the discussion of something Andrew actually cared about happened, it was over. Neil didn’t hesitate to store the knowledge away for later. “What are you doing for school, Josten? I know it must be quite loathsome to not major in exy.”

Neil noticed that Andrew was fond of a “give and give” type of conversation: one offers up a detail and then the other does the same. It was a way of having equal footing. Neil didn’t see a problem with that. In fact, he preferred it.

“Accounting.”

Andrew slammed the cabinet doors before turning to grin at Neil. Neil almost shuddered at how lifeless his eyes were. “Oh, so you’re planning to make Court.”

Neil ignored him. “What about you?”

“Film,” Andrew said casually, walking over to his backpack and then throwing a notebook onto the table. “Painting is another thing but I couldn’t get into one of those prestigious colleges. Pity.”

Without asking, Neil sat down at the table. The notebook looked hand-bound from the authentic pages and how it was sewn into the spine. The elaborate pattern on the front leather was so detailed that Neil wondered who had time to do such a thing. He began looking through Andrew’s art notebook just as Andrew came and stood behind him. Neil could feel himself shiver from the contact. The pages were filled with different depictions of fucked up imagery, from human sacrifices to detailed drawings of switchblades.

“I like this one,” Neil murmured, pointing at a detailed drawing of a severed head that was trapped inside of a jug and had blood pouring into a plastic cup from the tiny spout. This was placed over a picture of a tree that seemed to have come from a magazine. It was placed carefully so the top of the head looked as though it was sprouting the limbs.

Neil hummed in approval. “You have talent. I like it when there’s a photo and you put your own art on top of it.”

“That’s a collage, dumbass.”

Neil laughed, despite himself. He should find Andrew’s lack of human decency annoying, but instead he just enjoyed the authenticity. At least then he felt as though he could understand him better, even when Andrew was being cryptic.

Standing, Neil beckoned Andrew to follow him to the stove. “Here, I’ll make you a grilled cheese.”

Andrew’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “Exy Junkie knowing how to cook? Now I’ve _gotta_ see this.”

Neil pulled out a pan and all of the ingredients. He even added a few spices to make the taste less bland. “See, you put butter on both sides so it has, like, a crunch to it,” Neil explained, spreading the butter all over the piece of toast. Andrew didn’t say anything but watched as Neil cooked the sandwich. When he was done, he transferred it to a plate and cut it down the middle.

“Here,” he said, pulling it apart and holding it out to Andrew. Andrew decided that his hands didn’t exist and leaned over to take a bite of it. All while staring at Neil.

 _What is he doing? Why? But why do I_ like _it?_

Andrew pulled back and ran his thumb over the cheese that stuck to his lip. He made sure to suck on his finger.

 _I’m sorry but_ what _just happened to my penis? Do I need to go to a doctor? Am I okay?_

“Maybe I’ll give you four stars on Yelp.”

(Was Yelp the gay dating app or the restaurant review app? Why couldn’t Neil remember? He lived with Nicky Hemmick for Christ’s sake.)

“Only four?” Neil asked, grabbing himself a bottle of water. It seemed that all of this talking was making him thirsty.

“You’re surprising. I’m not too fond of surprising people.”

Neil paused, turning around to find himself extremely close to Andrew. He cleared his throat and took a step back. “I think you’re not too fond of someone seeing you for who you are.”

Andrew took a step forward. “Careful, Junkie. All of that thinking will age you.”

They studied each other. Neil studied Andrew’s facial features and Andrew studied Neil’s eyes.

The sound of Andrew’s phone ringing made Neil jump and then back away. He had been way too close.

Andrew nearly groaned when he saw the caller I.D. “ _What_ , asshole?” Andrew sighed as he listened to whoever was on the other line. “Yeah, fine. Whatever.” He hung up just like that and looked back at Neil.“Sorry, Junkie. My brother needs more eggs so I have to leave."

Neil nodded. “No worries. Goodbye.”

Andrew’s eyebrows narrowed as he reached for his bag. “I hate that word. You’ll see me again. So just don’t say anything.”

“Uh, okay. I won’t.”

Andrew saluted Neil before walking out of his apartment.

Neil leaned back against the refrigerator, listening to several magnets falling to the ground. He’d pick it up later but for now he wanted to process his confusing emotions, the ones that were taking up spaces in his mind that he didn’t know had vacancy.

His phone buzzed so he pulled it out.

_Robin:_

_Are you showing up tonight? Wanted to see you. :)_

He checked the time and saw that the party had started an hour prior. Neil sighed and grabbed a new sweatshirt. This wasn’t the time to be stupid.

_But dear God, did he want to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of my Easter eggs and direct quotes only come from Druck, Wtfock, Skam France, and the original Skam because those are my favorites so just keep that in mind. I'm trying to make sure that I incorporate as much as I can from the shows as I do the AFTG series. Thank you for reading! 
> 
> xx Nova


	3. Episode 3

**Monday. 3:03am.**

Neil couldn’t sleep. Part of him wanted to go for a run and the other part of him wanted to force down a finger of whiskey hidden in his closet just to knock him out. Neither option seemed very helpful.

He pulled out his laptop and scanned his social media, mainly at the pictures he had posted with Robin and his boys. Specifically, he looked at Robin. She was really pretty, no doubt. Her eyes were a crisp brown that left Neil with the feeling of freshly brewed coffee in the morning. Though he couldn’t deny he was also thinking of Andrew’s eyes and how they seemed to be honey poured over whole grain bread.

Neil went to another tab and searched the word _gay_.

“ _Homosexuality is romantic/sexual attraction, or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender.”_

Surely this wasn’t what Neil was. _Was it?_ He’d never looked at a guy the way he looked at Andrew. He never felt anything for literally anyone else outside of this goddamn art bastard. None of this made any sense. Why couldn’t he feel this way for Robin? She was his girlfriend, surely that should make him want her the way he wanted Andrew.

 _Did I ever masturbate thinking of Robin? Hell, did I ever masturbate_ before _meeting Andrew? I don’t think so?_

His head spun as he looked at an article full of related terms. Some he felt akin with, like demisexual, but nothing to clearly define it for himself. He slammed the laptop down and tried to force himself to sleep. It didn’t work.

—

**Monday. 11:53am.**

“Guys, I had the craziest dream about Allison last night.”

Kevin, Matt, and Neil all groaned, looking over at Seth who had a shit eating grin on his face. It was like he couldn’t be bothered to keep his dick in his pants. Neil thought that if Seth got his way, he’d always be flapping it around just to compensate for its size. Somehow Seth believed Allison would fall for it when no one else did.

“Allison Reynolds?” Kevin asked. Neil knew that he didn’t care, but just wanted to hear how much of an idiot Seth was.

Neil finally allowed himself to be part of the conversation and actually made eye contact with his friends. He tried to see if he felt any physical attraction towards them. His eyebrows furrowed when nothing happened. _What is it about Andrew?_ Neil wondered. _Why does this piece of shit have to make things difficult?_

“Yeah! Basically, she was a dominatrix and she was dressed in this hot pink leather. She was whipping my ass—“

At this exact moment, Allison had approached the booth they were sitting at but none of the boys stopped Seth. It was too good.

“—and she was commanding me to apologize because I’d slept with someone else. I had _such_ a boner when I woke up.”

“Seth,” Neil finally said, gesturing with his head.

Seth turned around in his chair. “Allison!” he squeaked, cringing. “Hi, hello. Have you been there a while?”

“Long enough to want to vomit,” she responded, looking down at her freshly manicured nails. “Enjoy your fantasy, Gordon. Because it will always be exactly that. A fantasy.” Everyone began laughing while Seth turned red. “Move. I need to talk to Neil.”

Everyone scrambled to get up and walk away, even Kevin. Even he knew the lines he could not cross. Neil just sat there with a small smile on his face. Like he said before, he respected Allison.

“Hello, Josten,” she said.

“Good job with him.”

“He’s easy to snap in half. If I wanted to, I would’ve mentally broken him by now. I do enjoy letting him think he’s in the running.” She flipped her hair behind her shoulders. “Anyways, I’m sending out invites for everyone to ride together to Columbia and Eden’s Twilight. Oh! Don’t forget about the beach trip to Myrtle Beach on Saturday since we’re on Fall Break.”

“Yeah, I haven’t forgotten.”  
“Wymack promised that he was going to let us handle ourselves but I think that’s code for him and Abby to get it on.”

“Maybe you should keep that to yourself.”

Allison rolled her eyes. “I have a bet with Nicky, so no. Anyways, I’ll text you the details but please, for the love of God, _look_ at them. Cool?”

Neil nodded. “Cool.”

—

**Friday. 9:20pm.**

It was amusing to Neil how Kevin could start dancing once he’d downed a bottle of vodka. Tequila made him flirty and whiskey made him cranky. Vodka, however, turned him into this: grinding on his girlfriend, Thea, while Seth stood beside them laughing his ass off. Matt was dancing with Nicky while he stared at Dan who stood over with Allison and Renee. Nicky was wearing a pink wig and dressed in full drag. Neil on the other hand had been taken by Robin who had put orange blacklight paint over the scars on his cheek.

“Don’t think you’ll get me to come every time, okay?” Neil shouted over the loud music, looking over at his girlfriend.

She laughed, interlocking their fingers. “But you love it.”

He rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Sure.”

Robin sighed. “They should really change the music.”

Neil’s eyebrows went up. “You don’t like electronic music?”

Robin shook her head. “Depends. I’m more of an old school hip hop person.” Neil nodded. “What about you?”

“I like…Queen,” Neil responded without thinking. In truth, Neil didn’t exactly listen to a lot of music. It just wasn’t something he considered a big deal in his life.

Robin grinned and nodded as she used her other hand to fix her curly bangs that didn’t need fixing. Neil thought she looked rather nice with a crop top, jeans, and heels. She rarely ever got dressed up so it was nice to see her confidence shining through.

“Hi! So nice to see you!”

Neil looked over to see Andrew and Aaron walking in and greeting Renee. He thought Andrew would say something ridiculous to Renee but he instead hugged her and talked to her for a couple of minutes. _Since when are they friends?_ That was before he looked over and caught Neil’s eye. Neil didn’t have the heart to look away so he instead held the eye contact. Andrew eventually broke it to go search for the bartender.

He tried not to watch Andrew go, but he couldn’t help himself. When Andrew started animatedly talking to the bartender, Neil couldn’t help but feel… _wait, is this jealousy?_ Surely it couldn’t be. Andrew didn’t belong to Neil in any sense and they had barely anything in common. It wasn’t like Neil had a right to be jealous. _Right?_

“Wanna dance?” Robin asked suddenly. Neil nodded and let Robin take him to the dance floor. He wasn’t one for dancing but he knew that casually swaying back and forth to the pounding music was what he was supposed to do. Robin knew her boundaries of when to touch Neil so she kept a wide berth.

“Hello, Junkie. I didn’t know you lived with my cousin.”

Neil spun around to see Andrew standing with the bartender. _Since when are they allowed to leave their post?_ Neil thought bitterly.

“Nicky’s your cousin?” Neil asked back.

“Andrew, hey!” Robin said enthusiastically, cutting their conversation off. She turned to the bartender. “I’m Robin.”

“Roland,” the burly man said back tipping his head.

That was the most of their interaction. Neil watched them leave, keeping his eyes on Andrew the entire time. The night progressed like this as he danced with Robin but watched Andrew. She either didn’t seem to notice or maybe she just didn’t care. Maybe that was a result of Wymack’s Foxes all coming from broken homes and haunting circumstances.

Neil found himself frustrated when Andrew wouldn’t catch his eye. He felt like it was their _thing_ to sneak glances at one another. Neil then decided to pull Robin close to him and began kissing her. He watched Andrew do the same to Roland.

Then Andrew’s eyes fluttered open to stare back at Neil. _He knows._

They both kissed their partners, neither one of them acknowledging the one they were interlocked with or tearing their eyes from one another. Hunger rose in Andrew’s eyes as he bit Roland’s lip. Neil retaliated by pulling the entirety of Robin’s lower lip into his mouth and sucking on it. Andrew then rose an eyebrow and smirked to himself as his hands tangled into Roland’s hair.

Neil quietly admitted defeat as he pulled away from Robin to start just dancing again. He tried not to notice Andrew’s smirk of victory on the other side of the dance floor.

—

**Saturday. 4:34pm.**

Myrtle Beach was nice, Neil thought, only when they weren’t anywhere near the touristy parts of it. He thought he might as well just die if anyone suggested they go to the ferris wheel by the pier. Not only was it crowded but it was a painful reminder of his mother. What bothered him more, though, was that Andrew and Aaron had come with them to the beach. When he asked, Allison said that she didn’t give them an invitation but that Renee insisted the two come with them.

Neil had a playlist Robin had made him in his headphones in order to drown out the sounds of laughter coming from about twenty feet away. Everyone was drinking and trying to play trivia games but nobody knew the answers. Neil noticed Matt and Dan talking on their own despite being almost in the middle of the group. Seth was trying to crowd Allison which made Neil cringe in secondhand embarrassment. He knew that Allison was bound to snap at any second and he just hoped he would be there to see it with his own eyes.

What was he hoping for? A sign to tell him whether or not Andrew was playing mind games? Maybe he should just break up with Robin and say to hell with it. But what about Roland? What about Eden’s Twilight and every single fucking glance they’d exchanged—

“How sociable of you. You’re over here all by yourself.”

Neil flinched and looked behind him to see Robin coming to sit next to him with a cup of boxed wine. The smell made Neil’s nose flare. Robin was in a tank top and shorts despite the wind being colder than usual. She wasn’t one to fear the weather, though. She was braver than the best of them.

“It was too crowded. Are you having fun?” he asked, trying to steer the conversation away from himself. He knew he hadn’t taken his headphones off so he hardly heard her response after she kissed his cheek. Neil found himself okay with the lack of an answer.

—

**Sunday. 3:12pm.**

“Alright, let’s go!”

Neil didn’t believe that Kevin was actually serious when he suggested that the group (plus Andrew and Aaron) play a game of exy even though they were supposed to be on break. But apparently he was serious. Kevin said it was “well needed practice” but Neil knew Kevin was just being a dickhead. What he least expected was to see Andrew take the goal opposite Renee. It was as if she had talked him into it.

Neil took his place and was fascinated by how competitive Robin looked in the moment. She had chosen to play opposite him and promised Kevin that she wouldn’t let Neil past her. Her eyes turned into slits as she smirked at Neil and blew him a kiss. Neil tapped his racquet onto the ground to tease her.

“I’m gonna end you, Cross,” he shouted with a smile.

“Yeah, sure,” she bit back playfully. Neil laughed but quickly sobered up when he looked behind his shoulder to see Andrew looking at him with a blank expression. In that moment, Neil felt _vulnerable_. And that was not something he enjoyed feeling. Especially when he felt Andrew worming into his head and reading all of his thoughts like a fucking parasitic demon.

The game started furiously with Matt, Seth, and Kevin being the most ferocious ones. They fought tooth and nail in order to try and score but Andrew never once let them. Neil almost had to stop in awe. Why wasn’t Andrew on the exy team if he was this good at protecting the goal on a beach?

Allison found her own ways to deal with Seth’s pestering throughout the week by knocking his ass to the ground and claiming that it was an accident. Seth just let her pummel him, as if that would earn him some amount of brownie points. It wouldn’t.

Andrew pushed Robin back and used his racquet to knock her feet from under her. She fell to the ground in a loud cry. Everyone stopped to look over at Robin who was now turning over and trying to get back on her feet.

“What the fuck, Andrew? I wasn’t even doing anything!” Robin screeched, making it up to resting on her knees. She was never one to admit weakness.

“Are you sure, Cross?” Andrew asked. Neil could tell he was being sarcastic but didn’t know if the others could, too. “Damn.”

“Andrew,” Aaron warned.

_This isn’t funny. I can’t laugh at this. Definitely not._

Andrew looked up at met Neil’s eyes. He winked at Neil before smirking at him. Neil believed Andrew knew he was amused by the situation. That had to be all there was to it. It had to be.

—

**Monday. 8:02pm.**

Aaron was the first to voice his concern for a bonfire being lit. Everyone ignored him and began to drink more sweet alcohol in order to pair it with the s’mores. As Andrew ate his first of seven, Neil couldn’t help but remember how his lips looked while he had a bite of grilled cheese. He tried to pass his blushing face to Robin as a result of the heat coming off of the fire.

Neil was trying to keep up with the conversation when he looked over and saw Matt sitting by himself. Matt wasn’t doing anything other than tracing the sand with his fingers and had the tip of his tongue in between his teeth as he always did when he was thinking.

So Neil made a s’more and walked over.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Matt looked up with solemn eyes and was quick to try and fabricate it with a grin. “Nothing.”

“What do you mean, _nothing_? Why are you just sitting over here?”

Matt sighed, looking down at the circle he was making. “I don’t get how you do it, man.”

“What?”

“Pick up chicks. How do you do it?”

“I don’t know,” Neil admitted. He really didn’t understand the idea of attraction to others, let alone their interest in him. He also didn’t know how Dan felt about Matt romantically so there was nothing he could say to help besides, “Come on, man. Just go do it.”

“Okay, wish me luck.”

He watched in astonishment as Matt got up, downed his s’more, and made his way to sit between Dan and Renee. That was when Dan laughed at Matt’s initial joke and grew more comfortable with his presence.

Neil couldn’t help his eyes flickering over to Andrew who had looked away quickly in order to not be caught. _But I see you._

—

**Tuesday. 8:43am.**

Tuesday came quickly with Neil waking up, gratefully, to Robin not being in his bed. Instead he woke up before everyone else, the air still with words that no one would even dare bother to say.

Neil climbed out of bed and put his tennis shoes on. Hopefully a quick run would help his thoughts straighten. But he instead found himself lost in his own confusion as his feet pounded down the sand. He wondered how he would tell Robin this new information but he also wondered when he’d come to understand his own emotions. It was less about how he felt and more about the _why_. As far as Neil knew, Andrew was gay. Neil didn’t believe he’d ever understand what it would be like to be secure in his identity.

As he ran, the sun became hidden behind the clouds. A storm was coming, leaving their departure that morning to be a good decision. Neil couldn’t help but wish it would rain so he could feel something.

He was near the house when he heard Renee sigh. “Andrew, come on. Those empty bottles aren’t going to bring themselves to the recycling bin.”

Neil put his hand on the doorknob when Andrew came through, looked him up and down, and stated, “Help me with the recycling, Josten.”

“Fine.” As they began walking around the rented house, Neil tried to start up a conversation. “Fun break.”

“I guess so.” Andrew shrugged. “You and Robin seem nice.”

“Yeah.” Neil had to clear his throat before asking, “And you and Roland?”

Andrew’s eyes slowly peered over at Neil. “The bartender? No, he’s not my boyfriend. I’m single.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re afraid you won’t find anyone,” Neil observed out loud. He didn’t mean to say it but it slipped out.

“It’s too early for this, Junkie.”

“Or at least someone who will love you.”

“I said, _it’s too early_.” Andrew grabbed a fist-full of Neil’s tee shirt and pushed him up against the chipping paint of the house. Before Neil knew it, Andrew had the tip of a knife pressed against Neil’s throat. Where he got that knife, Neil had no idea. All he knew was that he enjoyed the way Andrew handled him.

“You can’t kill me for telling you the truth,” Neil taunted, noticing Andrew’s grip weakening from touching his sweat. Andrew couldn’t tell but it was beginning to disperse again from Neil’s emotions growing.

Andrew smiled, but it was one of those sinister ones that reminded Neil of the smile he had gotten from his father. “Oh yeah? You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” The tip of his knife nicked Neil’s throat. A tiny droplet of blood surfaced. “Where do you suppose I could go to find love? Huh?”

Neil shrugged despite the lack of movement he had. “I don’t know. Meet some new people. Get a Tinder.”

“Like go on a weekend trip with people I hardly know?” Andrew wondered, smile growing.

Neil gulped. “For example, yeah. I guess.”

Andrew leaned in, his lips hovering above Neil’s. “How’s that target on your back feel?”  
he asked in a hushed whisper, eyes moving from Neil’s eyes to his lips.

“Familiar,” Neil responded in a hushed voice, trying to lean into Andrew’s breath.

“Andrew, what are you doing? We don’t have time for you to kill Neil.”

Andrew removed himself from Neil as he heard the soft voice. “Sorry, Renee. The boy was being an idiot.” Renee sighed and went back into the house. Andrew bit his lip and looked back at Neil. “Hurry up, Junkie.” Then he turned from Neil and walked away, shoving his knife back under his arm band.

Neil stood there, speechless. It wasn’t like him to have nothing to say and it wasn’t like him to want to wear the small cut on his neck with pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined Neil listening to Pillz by Lyldoll on the beach when he was sitting off by his own (definitely nOT like Robbe pfft)  
> Thank you for being patient with me! College started back up from Christmas break so I've been trying to make sure I write some and get homework done.   
> Anyways also go watch Skam France season 5 because that shit slAPS.
> 
> xx Nova


End file.
